I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
