Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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