Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
