so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
