Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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