i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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