Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
