People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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