My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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