did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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