at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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