just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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