No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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