she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
