oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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