I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
