we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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