Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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