That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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