His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
