I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
