I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
