Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
