Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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