I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
