your thong is hanging out like whoa
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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