If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize