As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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