summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
