My boss' voice literally gives me gas
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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