Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
