Pregnant stripper...not hot.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
