checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
