im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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