Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
