i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
