Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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