He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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