I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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