Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
