Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You are a genius and a whore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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