I think I won the penis lottery.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
