On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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