Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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