I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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