I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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