I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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