Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
