Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
