I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
