he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
