im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
