sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
