His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
