I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He felt like a one man threesome
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize