My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
