I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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