we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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