i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
