mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Acid is not a monday night drug
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
