did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
