i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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