The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
