Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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